You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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