the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize