this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Someone shit on the floor
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am available for nakedness
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
