NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sober January is a disaster.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
