"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
