He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
