It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
