i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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