Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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