After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
