if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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