The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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