My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So many bounce houses so little time
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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