I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
