I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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