is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
