just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize