Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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