she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
