...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
