i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
