thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
