If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize