Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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