If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
