I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Screwed.edu
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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