just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
