You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My vagina just recognized that song.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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