Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
