You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
