she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
