When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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