I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
