Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
