I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
