I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Pants are for mortals
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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