I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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