remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
