nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They have beer where we have blood.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
