Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
