when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
