Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
