it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
