miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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