Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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