i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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