Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
