Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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