you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize