I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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