You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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