Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nutella sex= disaster
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
