Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
