This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
