You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
