is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize