I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
