I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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