Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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