Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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