so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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