im drinking this country out of the recession.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize