On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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