Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
