ugly people sure do ruin things
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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