I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
