He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
