my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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